Daily Lives of Hogwarts Boys!
by juggernaut715
Summary: DLHB type story set for Hogwarts with three OC's, their names being David, Robert, and Felix. Sort of a series of one shots, all distantly related to each other. Hilarity will ensue.


(warning! consists of three OCs! Possible mentions to real characters!)

Hogwarts Boys and Wand Shopping!

"Welcome, welcome!" Ollivander said as the boys entered his store, the boys being David, Robert, and Felix.

"Hello." They said in unison, stepping into a line beginning with David as they faced the Wandcrafter. Ollivander pulled out a measuring tape and it took the measurments of David's arm, floating in free space.

"Hmm...yes..." Ollivander mused as he viewed the statistics from the tape measururer, tossing it behind himself and letting it crash into the wall and fall to the floor.

"I think we'll start with this!" He said, swinging a pink box with wings on it towards David. Out of the box came a wand dripping with blood.

"U-uh..." David said as he nervously clutched the wand, which had already soaked his hand.

"10 Inches! Bloodwood! And a core of freshly squeezed blood!" Olivander said with a manic grin on his face.

"Squeezed from what?" Robert asked.

"Pigeons, of course! What else?!"

"Ri-right."

With a flick of his wrist David atomically disassembled Ollivanders eccentric hat.

"Wowzers!" Ollivander exclaimed. "No ones done that in fifty years!" He said with pride in his voice as he pulled a spare hat out of his pocket, pulling it down over his thinning hair.

"Try this one, I think it'll do nicely." Ollivander said, holding out a solid black box with a skull on it. The wand had a shrunken head on the end of it, impaled onto the wand.

"This doesn't look good," Felix murmured.

"Nonsense! Give it a swing!" David swung the wand, lighting the tip of it on fire, the shrunken head spewing flames out its ears.

"Oh, it doesn't like you. Hmm..." Ollivander hummed as he pulled one last wand out of the shelf, held in a red box with a purple angel on its lid. The wand inside was alabaster, and had nothing out of the ordinary on it.

"Try this one." Expecting the worst, David gave it a swing. This time, to everyone's suprise, purple sparks shot out the end, singeing Ollivander's eyebrows.

"That's the one!" David payed for his wand and stepped to the side, letting Robert step forward.

"Hmm," Ollivander hummed as he examined Robert's arm by hand. "You masturbate a lot, don't you?"

"W-what?!"

"Don't be shy boy, I do it all the time. Always forget to wash my hands." The last statement had Robert flinging himself backwards ripping the sleeve of his robe off, scratching his hand furiously.

"Try this one out for size." He held out a box that was a sickly green, and the wand inside was ebony with swirls of blue coloring the wood in a, well, swirly...pattern.

Robert did as he was told, flicking his wrist. A weird little green beam shot out of the end, straight into Ollivander's chest, who slumped to the ground, dead.

"AH! WE KILLED THE WANDCRAFTER!"

"OH FUCK!"

"DOES THIS MEAN THIS IS MY WAND?!"

"WHAT ABOUT ME?! I HAVEN'T GOTTEN MY WAND YET!"

"HERE, JUST TRY A RANDOM ONE AND HOPE IT WORKS!"

Obeying his instructions, Felix somberly stepped forward and selected a random wand from the shelf. It's carton was blue, and the wand inside was purple.

"BAN-" He cried out, reeling his arm back in preparation for an epic swing, "KAI!"

A white light shot out of the end and twirled in the air, eventually flying straight into Ollivander, who shot upwards from the ground, patting himself down.

"AH! WE BROUGHT THE WANDCRAFTER BACK TO LIFE!"

"OH FUCK- I MEAN YAY!"

"DOES THIS MEAN THIS IS MY WAND?!"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"What are you all yelling about-"

"SHUT UP!" Robert screamed, killing the wandcrafter again.

"AH! YOU KILLED HIM AGAIN!"

"OH FUCK-I MEAN YAY-I MEAN-FUCK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I MEAN!"

"JUST RESSURECT HIM AND LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!"

With a swing of his wand Felix sent the magic forward once again, and as the wandcrafter stood up, all he saw was three boys scampering out of his store.

"Hmm...they must have been in a hurry. Didn't have the chance to-HEY WAIT, THEY DIDN'T PAY FOR THOSE WANDS!"

_Fade out_

"Daily Lives of- HOLY SHIT THE WANDCRAFTER IS ALIVE- Hogwarts-ahem-Boys."

~ending theme~


End file.
